I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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