so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
