i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
