it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
