After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
