You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
