just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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