Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
she peed on how many people?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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