Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
