Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
false alarm, still single
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
