So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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