I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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