She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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