i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
