after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Randomize
