remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
