He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Randomize
