chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
So much rum. So many feels.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
