There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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