My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
