Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
