So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
