Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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