so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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