I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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