Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
