He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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