The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
