I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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