trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
