you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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