Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
