puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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