I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
