we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
