He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
