About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
