tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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