Are we in a gay sports bar?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
