I met the friendliest cop last night
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
