And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
