my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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