I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
