I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
