areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
