Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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