We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
