i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
