I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Hippo gnu deer
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
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