Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
