dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
