sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You are a genius and a whore.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
