And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
if only i could text you this smell
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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