I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
