Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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