I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
