pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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