You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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