Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
