i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
