we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
